It’s a well-known fact that women love to talk. Since the age of 6 or 7, girls have been getting together for sleepovers where they spend the entire night lying on their sleeping bags talking about anything that comes to mind. Boys, on the other hand, did their bonding while playing sports or video games, and talking didn’t come in to play that often. Therefore, it’s no wonder that as adults they still seem to close up and avoid talking which can be detrimental to a relationship. Bellow are 6 ways you can get him to open up to you without making him run.
When men are having issues in a relationship, they normally clam up instead of open up about what is bothering him. A woman can usually tell that her man is upset, but how do you get him to tell you the exact problem?
Don’t talk face to face. Since boys have grown up bonding over sports and arcade games, try to have something else going on when you try to get him to open up. Have some music playing, toss a ball around, or go for a walk. It will be easier to get him talking when he’s not sitting face to face, feeling pressured.
He’s scared of your reaction. It may bother you that he’s quiet, but maybe you don’t actually want to hear what he’s thinking. He might be scared that if he doesn’t choose the right side in the story you’re telling that you’re going to mad at him – and maybe you will be. You need to let him know that he has a right to free speech and while you may not love his response, you need to respect his opinion. He’s not your best girlfriend who will take your side no matter how crazy you’re sounding.
He’s scared of emotions. Boys are often taught from a young age, whether rightfully so or not, that they are supposed to hide their emotions – that ‘crying is for girls’. So – in a relationship they will often do the same thing. They’re also scared that if they approach a touchy subject you might cry, and let’s face it, not many guys know how to handle that. In this case, you need to curb your emotional outcries as much as possible, and ask him specific questions that might help him answer you. “Do you feel like..?” and soon he’ll be telling you everything you need to know.
He’s scared of the past. If you’re that girl who brings up past situations every time he tries to talk about something new ( “Well you said before that…” ) then he’s likely not going to talk about anything ever again. Leave past situations in the past if you want him to talk to you about important new subjects.
He feels vulnerable. Sometimes the reason that he’s clamming up has nothing to do with you. Maybe he lost his job, or didn’t get that raise he wanted. Boys, even in these days, are taught they are supposed to be the main provider for his woman, and he may feel ashamed to tell you that he didn’t get that promotion. Nobody likes failure, especially men. He may feel like he can’t take care of you properly, and that’s a real fear for many men – so always boost his confidence on his good traits, and tell him you’re proud of him no matter what, and that nobody succeeds right away.
You have to share openly too. If you want him to be open and honest with you, it’s going to have to start with your example. Just remember to keep it calm and collected. Tell him in a calm voice what is bothering you, whether it’s something to do with him or not, and ask him for some advice. Then, never criticize the advice. Accept it, thank him, and let him know that he has helped you. The more he helps you work through your issues, the more he’ll feel like a team, and he’ll begin to open up more as well. Just give him time to adjust to the idea. Don’t expect him to become a Chatty-Kathy right away.
Posted in Relationship
Couples can experience problems in a marriage for many reasons. But the most common reasons for marital problems or conflicts are: infidelity; sexual incompatibility; poor communication; and money.
Infidelity on the part of one or both partners can be especially challenging to overcome. It is in many relationships “the deal breaker.” But it doesn’t have to be. In some instances the crisis created by an affair can be the impetus needed to do some individual soul searching and reframing of the marital relationship.
Sexual incompatibility can be the factor that leads a spouse to the decision of having an affair. However, it doesn’t cause an individual to cheat on a spouse. Many times, one or both partners will become resentful of one another for what is perceived as an unwillingness to meet the other’s sexual needs.
The inability to communicate effectively can be a great source of tension in a marriage. Conflict is inevitable. Having conflict isn’t as much a problem as the inability to effectively communication and resolve conflicts as they arise. As with sexual incompatibility, over time a lot of resentment can build up between partners.
One other common source of problem within a marriage is money. People have the tendency to project a lot of meaning onto green paper. Some people withhold money to have a sense of power. Some individuals spend recklessly. Most times not having enough money is a great stressor within a marriage.
While the source of your marital difficulty will dictate different solutions, there are some things that you and your partner can do that will increase the likelihood that you are able to resolve whatever issues you are having and move in a positive direction.
Admit there are problems
Pretending that everything is okay doesn’t help. The problems are still there and will reveal themselves in other ways.
Take some responsibility for your own actions
No matter what is happening there are two people in the relationship. A relationship is a dance. Don’t blame your partner for everything. Also, don’t blame yourself for everything either.
Be honest or get honest
This is especially true if you have had an affair. The most hurtful part of learning that a partner has had an affair is the betrayal of trust. Even if you haven’t had an affair, you should be honest about your feelings as it relates to the conflict that you and your spouse are experiencing.
If you are honest, it increases the likelihood that your partner will also be honest.
Try putting yourself in your partner’s place
Stepping away from your own perspective and trying to see things from your partner’s point of view will help you feel more compassion and less anger. This emotional shift will make it more likelihood that you will be able to move beyond the conflict.
Remember why you got together in the first place
If you can remember what connected the two of you in the beginning of your relationship (if it was positive) may help both of you to be more forgiving and willing to commit to doing the tough work to save your marriage.
Read books
A lot of people-especially males may find this recommendation “corny.” However, there are a lot of really useful self-help books on relationships, sex, communication, how to survive infidelity, finances, and more.
Consider couples counseling
There is still a stigma associated with seeing a counselor. But who really has to know? Committing to couples therapy for 3-6 months may be the only intervention that will give the two of you what you need to move beyond this difficult time in your marriage.
To learn more about relationships check out Dr. Laura Berman’s website http://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/dr-laura-berman/relationships.aspx and Dr.Phil’s website http://drphil.com/articles/category/5/.
Posted in Relationship
Conflicts and arguments are a part of a relationship. It’s unavoidable, no matter how matured or well- aware you are of each other. But there are conflicts that can really shake your love affair. These conflicts can sometimes make you cut your losses and move on. These conflicts are a definite relationship killer if not handled well or done without compromise.
Friends and family are great allies but when they become the dark side of your union that’s when the trouble comes in. Whether you like it or not, you’re not the only person in her life. Her friends and family counts, too and when you cannot stand in one room with her best friend then you better think twice because there is no guarantee that she’ll take your side.
Another relationship killer is stress and anxiety. Stress like everything else cannot be avoided; all you need to do is to manage it appropriately but human as you are, stress can take its toll; it makes you irritated, exhausted and indifferent to your partner. One source of this relationship killer can be money, time, obligations and deep seated issues.
If you are not determined enough to go through your affair then you are not going to last. Being overwhelmed by stress can make you think that you are with the wrong person because of all the heavy load she brings in to your existence. Another definite relationship killer is the lingering ex.
A love – affair should be composed of two people alone, insert one person and mix them together and you’ve got a problem. If you’re partner has an issue about persistent suitors or lingering ex, its best that you stop entertaining them unless you really want to get rid of your partner.
Another relationship killer is too much familiarity. This is when the couple becomes comfortable with each other, way too comfortable. Its great to be friends and lovers at the same time but when the former becomes dominant than the other then you are heading downhill. This is when sex falls out of the plan and the next thing you know the other one acts like a parent and the other one a teenager with a raging hormone.
Another relationship killer is having different goals and ambition. It’s alright to aspire to succeed but when your partner doesn’t get your obsession to your dreams then you have a huge blockage in front of you. When your priorities are different from that of your lover, alienation happens, thus ending your union.
How to solve relationship problems depends upon your acknowledgment of the issue and your faith with each other. If you believe that you and you’re lover can make it through any adversity then you are up to last a lifetime.
Posted in Relationship
Let’s face it: Couples often argue from the pettiest stuff to a serious issue. Difference in opinion will lead to conflict. You want to kiss and make up afterwards but don’t know how to begin cause you might say or do something wrong. But who wants to fight all the time? Here are some handy hints on how to kiss and make up with your man.
First – Before you start the nagging, take a step back and look at the situation from a different point of view. Sometimes we become tangled up in our irritation over the inability of our guy to comprehend where issues are stemming from, that we fail to see things from his own angle.
Anger they say blows out the lamp of the mind. Give the situation time to cool down and then view all options you have in making your relationship work. By learning to stop, look and listen, you’ll be calmer, more composed and ready to approach your guy, this way he won’t go into defensive–aggressive mode to you either.
Second – Since you’re the girlfriend, you know which approach will work best to reach that mutual understanding between you and him. Try to propose a schedule or a particular setting where the purpose is for a man to listen to his partner’s feelings and understanding her needs. If your guy reluctantly accepts your invitation, bring up the matter cautiously, but firmly.
If your guy appears to be agreeable but still wary, be sweet and gentle. Figure out what sort of approach can you be able to communicate with him effectively. Just as you know which button to push to annoy the hell out of him, you also know how to woo him back.
Third – Don’t expect your guy to know what’s on your mind all the time. Making the relationship work is having an honest, open communication with your man. Though being honest does not generally mean that you have to be brutally frank. You must learn how to share your feelings and needs without resentment.
John Grey, author of Mars and Venus on a date mentioned about man’s and women’s needs in a relationship. The Male Primary Needs are to be loved, accepted, appreciated and trusted. The Female Primary Needs are to be loved, cared for, understood and respected. Fourth – The vital ingredient to kiss and make up with your man is compromise.
Convince your guy that both of you need to reach a resolution to avoid going through the same argument over and over again. To find balance, a person needs to understand, accept, appreciate and respect both sides of him or herself. Though, don’t let yourself do all the work because it’s not considered a compromise, that’s sacrifice.
As long as love is there, the willingness to adjust and make leeway for changes that will benefit both of you to kiss and make up. The bond of your relationship gets much stronger when you kiss and make up with your man. Fifth – Don’t expect your man to change overnight just as you can’t transform yourself into his ideal type of woman.
Once you start resenting your guy for his failures, try to recall why you fell in love with him in the first place. You’ll discover that the thing you most hate about him right now is actually one of the reasons why you started liking him. You have to cope with how your man is, and vice versa.
It’s doesn’t mean lowering your expectations, but accepting him for who he is. If you suppress your control freak tendencies and be honest with your guy, you easily won’t have any major problems when you argue with him and you’re very well on your way to kiss and make up with your man.
Posted in Relationship
Unfortunately for most men, women are a pain in the ass when it comes to putting out. We are built with this “Princess” mentality. You know the type, “take care of me, serve me, please me, me, me, me.” Typically followed by, “I want it now. No. Not now. Yes. Now. Maybe?”. Can you say mixed signals?
Rather than trying to convince your wife to have sex with you, just show her loving affection, hold back on the pawing and let her come to you.
For the sake of this post, I am going to assume that you (husband) are a nice* guy. *Not an asshole.
If you are one of the many men out there forced into bouts of celibacy by a wife that guards her vagina like Fort Knox then please read on.
Women in general just want to be treated nice. Simple, right? Wrong!
Well, the formula is pretty simple and really a no brainer. You just have to remember that even though you could be ready for sex at the drop of a hat, women need fluffing. I’m not talking about foreplay that starts minutes before you want to get laid either.
I’m talking about fluffing for days, weeks and sometimes months.
Wait!
Come back here!
It shouldn’t take months. Women, like most people, just want to be appreciated and made to feel special.
I understand that you might be a hardworking man, one that busts his ass every day to make a living. I’m sure the last thing you want to do is more work just to get into your wife’s pants, but it does take work.
Keep in mind that always asking for sex, hinting for sex, or just straight up demanding sex will not fly with most women, but rather push them away. I use the word “most” loosely, as there are a fair share of women willing and wanting to submit to their husbands every need at any given moment. I am going to assume this is not your situation, otherwise stop reading and just go do your wife already.
Let’s start with some of the more “this is the last thing I want to do” stuff.
The Hardest Trick
Help Around the House – No, you don’t need to do everything, but a small gesture can have a big impact.. Even if it’s something simple, like doing the dishes one time, or just surface cleaning (that’s where you just take care of any eye sores around the house, making it look like you did more than you actually did). You don’t even need to do a great job, just something that says, “I want to help make your life easier, wifey.” If your wife thanks you, just tell her that you wish you could help out more, especially knowing how hard she works too. Those few little lines will make her appreciate you, therefore, seeing you a little differently. She will see you as a man that appreciates her.
The Sneaky Tricks
Try to restrain yourself from begging and you may be surprised to see your wife initiate sex with you for once.
Plant Seeds – I don’t mean gardening. Rather, drop hints about how she makes you feel. Please, oh please, don’t just say, “hey! you make me horny and I can’t wait to stick my dick in you. Bada-bing.” Plant seeds like, “next time we both have energy, there are some things I’d like to do to please you,” (psst… I’m suggesting that you mean eat her pussy by the way). By saying something along those lines, you are clear that you don’t mean right now, and that you want to do things for her. It will make you sound like you are not some needy, selfish bastard. Also be generous with the compliments. Like, “wow! you look great today, did you do something different? Even if nothing is different, she will feel a little better knowing that you think she looks good. If you are not the the guy that typically dishes out compliments, then tread lightly, she might assume you want something if you go over the top with flattery.
Touching – Tease her a little. If you get the chance to brush up against her, or touch her lightly, then do so. Don’t be one of those guys that just waits until it’s “sex” time to touch your wife. A gentle touch, kiss, or hug, can go a long way. Especially if you don’t turn them into sexual gestures and keep them as more intimate encounters instead. With enough of this behavior, your wife will mostly likely come to you for sex, it just takes a little time.
Her Good Mood – Is your wife in a good mood? Take advantage of it. Did something exciting happen in her day? If it’s celebration worthy, take her out to dinner. Be happy for her. Show an interest. Buy her flowers. Even if she is just happy that her day went smoothly, tell her she deserves it.
Jealousy – Try making her a little jealous but careful with this one. When I say, “make her a little jealous”, I don’t mean go cheat. You can be subtle though, and point out someone else that is attractive. I mean small things like saying, “have you ever thought of wearing your hair like hers? I bet you could make it look good like that too.” It’s a roundabout way of saying, “I think that lady looks good, you should try what she is doing.” The goal is to get her competitive instinct to kick in and make her want to gain your attention. But again, be careful, too much of this behavior is dangerous.
A Dirty Movie – Some women are weird when it comes to watching porn, or even admitting that it turns them on. Skip your typically spank bank porn flick and get an actual movie with top notch actors and some steamy sex scenes, plot included. Unless of course your lady is okay with porn, then get porn, it’s quicker. Anything that will get her juices flowing (but please don’t make comments about how sexy you find the chick in the movie, I hope that is self-explanatory).
A Dirty Book – Does she like to read? There are plenty of dirty books out there nowadays that let the imagination run wild. They can be a real turn on, just be okay with the fact that she might be worked up over a character in a book. Who cares though? You will reap the benefits in the long run.
Get Her Liquored Up – A little booze can help your wife to loosen up and drop some of her inhibitions. Moderation is key though, you don’t want her to pass out on you before you get anything out of her.
Groom Yourself – People tend to get “comfortable” once they are married and forget to put any effort into their appearance. I’m sure when you started dating you took a little extra time to put yourself together. Making sure you were at least showered and groomed down below, on the off chance that she would put out after your dinner or movie date. Get back to that man, throw on some cologne, and pretend you are about to go on a date. Always be prepared to get laid but don’t expect it. Constantly expecting, wanting and requesting is a turn-off.
I recommend trying all of the above or picking what you think might work for you. Just try it for a couple of weeks – women have needs too. Don’t hound her for sex, but make her feel sexy and appreciated. Simple ways to make your wife want to have sex with you and most of it comes down to being a decent guy, not being lecherous and in the end she will come to you for it.
Posted in Relationship
